Before he told me I'd be a world famous novelist,
a New York Times best selling author of poetry
and things, and I wonder.
Does success come at the end, does it
only come at the end or like learning to let go
of these repetitive thoughts, is it a process.
I tell him, you're already successful
just becoming more successful, and I wonder.
Is that what it is. That what it is is.
Then in the middle it was hard.
The middle is when I feel the least of it.
The anticipation, which they say is highest before,
turns to doubt and despair and my hair
ends up in knots because I'm in the middle
and it's hard and in a loss for words,
I think I've got nothing.
Now, when I'm done,
looking at the past future in the present
judgement sets in, snuggling up
against self-criticism and this is not what I envisioned
this is not, and it stays stuck
there for a while and I think at the beginning
I wanted happiness, no stress,
to work to write to make it.
Will I know when I make it when I've made it
or will I know I've made it when I'm making it
or will I know I'm making it when I've made it.
Or will someone just tell me when I've made it
and then I'll just know for sure.
©AAC 2014
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