Hello...again...

I may have forgotten I blog, or write, or both. Or maybe, just maybe, I've avoided this. The last time I checked in, it was April. Now, it's August and I've been working for almost for months. I've had a hard few last months, because I'm naturally an anxious person, but because I'm feeling tired, again. Why does it seem like if things are going poorly, they get progressively worse? Why not just better? Is this the universe's way of creating chaos? What is chaos anyhow? Is chaos why we get old and our bodies fail us? Does that mean that chaos and time are synonymous? 

All I know is that I have a headache, my group of friends, (which some make me feel that I'm an inconvenience for them, wanting to be a friend and talk to them, thereby taking up their time with frivolous and superfluous bullshit because I'm just insignificant now) feels like it has dwindled (which makes me sad), and I kind of want a Moscow Mule right now...I've been forcing myself to write diary entries, but I haven't written much in the way of fiction or poetry. Sometimes I feel like I have to write, but I'm so afraid that nothing good will come out and I'll be totally lost and I'll no longer have talent and then I'll have a life crisis because writing is what I've done since I was four and it's what I love and if I lose that then who am I?