Discovery: Fascinating Phenomena of the Male Mind

November, also known as my favorite month, has flown by rather quickly. Naturally, interesting things have happened since my last post. Previously, I was committed to "winning" NaNoWriMo...that is until I didn't write one day, and then I didn't write the following day, and, of course, a pattern ensued. I have been writing a poem here and there, as well as adding small additions to my novellas I'm working on. I also took a part time job. I never expected to be working in the wonderful world of retail, but hey, it's temporary. Actually, everything is temporary. Dating is temporary, or so I make it so.

I dated a guy for two weeks this month, but I was never exactly interested. In fact, after the first time I met him, I was watching a Sex and The City episode where Carrie goes out with a guy that just isn't her type. She refers to dating him as if she's trying him on like a dress. As I was watching the episode, a light bulb, figuratively, of course, appeared above my head. Well, after a second date, I couldn't take any more so I promptly ended it. Phew. My special friend in Hungary, whom I'm not sure I've mentioned, has proven himself to be quite the animal. He has been exhibiting a complete lack of self-control, as well as possessing no morals whatsoever. As a stereotypical representation of the contemporary man, I have to say I'm kind of, if not completely, disgusted with his behavior. This guy isn't the first Capricorn (yes, I did just make an astrological reference) I've come across. From my observations, they prove to be shitty long-term partners and share similar characteristics that I find to be savage and downright annoying. They have a need for speeding things up, and from the two I've encountered, both contend with an incompatibility between woman and commitment. Honestly though, what's the point in a guy 'buying' when he can get so much for free?

I've figured out my friend's pattern of behavior, so kudos to me, right? Generally, we talk or text or video chat on a daily basis, but every so often, he disappears for a few days. Well, I've done some investigative reporting (I've won an award for this for real) and the results are fascinating. Alright, so there are a little more than four thousand miles, and a decade in age difference, between us, and he's single. Putting that to the side, I've discovered that when he ceases to exist in my reality, he's sleeping around. I asked bluntly to which he confirmed my suspicions. What's so interesting is that we're friends, maybe a little more than your average friend definition, but he disappears every time he has sex with some woman (the last one being old, according to his own words). It seems he experiences some sort of guilt or else he'd be talking to me, after he's finished with whatever woman he's used as a receptacle. We entered into an argument, well, I started it when I told him he uses women. He sees his behavior as a positive where I see it as the objectification and commodification of women. He doesn't care for or about these women--he just uses them. He complains the women he dates are not bright enough, not well-travelled enough, not sophisticated enough, blah blah blah... for him. Of course, I am all of those things (grin to self). He has no desire to know the women, be friends with them, just nothing outside of the sheets, yet he disagrees with my stance. He thinks he's living an authentic life as part of counter culture: not letting rules limit his options and or choices, freedom of sexual expression, etc. Naturally I told him he is the culture of our time, he is the contemporary man promulgating this era of sex with no strings attached. It's casual, he says. There is no such thing as casual, but we're talking about a man, and men, that don't enjoy feeling feelings. I think his argument is bullshit. Absent from his behavior and mindset are morals. He says he has values, but who knows. Seriously, luring a married woman into a potentially compromising situation, just because sex is natural, doesn't speak sainthood to me. Parasitic amoebae are natural too. I think comparing him to a potentially deadly single cell organism is actually a well fitting paradigm for his character. Still, I'm drawn to his charismatic, charming, extroverted personality. Is he a caring, kind, sweet guy? Yes, yes he is. Can he be faithful, committed or loyal? He says so, but he has yet to prove his abilities.

Do you think I'm right (I doubt I'm wrong) about his behavior being stereotypical for a majority of men in our society/culture today? I'm not going to generalize and say all men are like my friend, but I've come in contact with many who share similar traits. I do think many men view women as things to be used, as if a woman is commodity, and I think my friend is trying to spin his behavior in a positive light when in reality, he's as far from being a gentleman.

Weirdness

This has been the worst Spring Break in a long time. The weather sucks; it's cold, dreary, and just makes me want to sleep. To top it all off, guys are weird. I am working on a poem, but so far, it's shit. Everything is just…meh.

The best title I could come up with

I haven't blogged in a while. I know.

School has been overwhelming. One class in particular, a 'nonlinear documents' class, a.k.a photography course, has proven to be tremendously time consuming. I've been working on a research paper on 'postmortem photography in relation to art and reality' for photography class, as well as two other research papers for a film course (Editing of Fritz Lang's M versus Classical Continuity Style Editing and Soviet Editing) and a reception history of Bruce Chatwin's novella, The Viceroy of Ouidah, which hasn't actually been started...yet. In between reading research and writing research papers, I've been working on an idea for erotic fiction. I only have about 2000 words, so it's only an idea at this point. I haven't worked on writing poetry lately (sad face). I've also been going through one of those in-between phases. I guess the best way to describe it would be the scene from Sideways where Miles (played by Paul Giamatti) refuses to drink merlot because he'll go to the 'dark side' or if you prefer Cold Souls, the scene where he says "My soul is a chickpea?!"

Well I guess I've been there for a few weeks now; my motivation (to start anything) is at a very low negative one, that's right, it's beyond zero. I can't sleep and when I do, I wake up every few hours (e.g. I woke up last night at 10:46pm, then 1:30am, 4:54am, 6:30am, 6:57am). All I want to do is bake, watch movies, read, write and sleep. Some day's I worry about my future, the next, I'm pretty much like 'fuck it.' I don't want to be a consultant or travel (unless it's to actually travel to see the world, travel and work is a big fat lie). Any-ways... and then there's the bit about the guy. I watched Benjamin Button and started crying because Benjamin goes away and disappears...it's a reminder of a loss of friendship (or was it not?? Friends don't just disappear when things aren't all smiley faces and warm, fuzzy kittens so in that case, we had nothing but an illusion of a friendship, my fault for misunderstanding), what if's, wants, all that crap you know what I'm talking about. I go from angry to sad to sadder and then saddest of all. I don't open up to people often, it takes years, and I took a risk and I did and it just hurts. But I'm working on letting go, moving on and jotting down whatever comes to mind, in case I get a poem or two out of all of this. It may be surprising (probably not) but I'm good at expressing myself through text, hence the poetry, but I don't share my emotions so well verbally. I come off cold, insensitive and unfeeling if I feel things such as disappointment, sadness, emotional pain, anger, etc. Apart from feeling crushed and slightly heartbroken, I'm still functioning at a relatively high level.

I think I've rambled on about nonsensical things enough now that it would be the right thing to do to let you go back to being productive members on the Internet. Live Long and Prosper.

Hypocritical Susan Sontag...is positively pedantic and pretentious

Reading Susan Sontag's On Photography and second essay, America, Seen Through Photographs, Darkly, is just infuriating! Arbus' work is so original? No it was not. And it was Weegee's disaster series that inspired her work? No it wasn't. It was Weegee's photography on the absurd, the grotesque, the odd that inspired her work. 

And you're going to tell me that Warhol's work was narcissistic!? His work is a direct reflection of society, in particular the disgusting obsession with celebritism (the obsession with fame, hence his 15 minutes of fame quote) which has just gotten worse. That's not narcissistic; his work acts as a mirror. Arbus' work on the other hand is absolutely narcissistic! 

Arbus has chosen this subject matter because she sees her 'safe' childhood as a form of adversity, as a flaw. Ergo, her work is narcissistic because she experimented with photographing the strange, the odd, the taboo for her own personal experience and personal gain (and personal satisfaction) to make up for the lack of the absurd, the grotesque in her youth. 

It's interesting that Sontag admires her work so greatly - she says it's a fuck you to popular culture, it's an active statement against the conventional, the popular, which is fascinating because Sontag considers the act of photography as passivity ( read previous essay). Sontag is arrogant, pedantic and pretentious, and her work is arrogant, pedantic and pretentious. Her argument is flawed - its structure is so holey it metaphorically resembles that of swiss cheese.

The obsession with uniqueness is so....completely banal and prosaic. Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Pinterest are boring and repetitive and the impulsivity fostered by 'social media' leads to a narcissistic society mental model which happens to become quite monotonous. It's narcissistic of Sontag to give a completely one-sided argument, but that is/was her personality; always going against the current. It gets boring to be so rebellious, and to maintain the same facade for so long, is well, rather inhibitory.