Thursday, August 30, 2012

Why I Hate Living In A Dorm

To whom it may concern,

Who knew most people were pigs? Well, if their family it's one thing. But if they are strangers? I hate living in the dorm for one humongous reason. Eighteen to twenty years olds (roommate ages subject to change without notice), other than my self and a few others out there (I'm with you and I feel your pain), have no common sense and have to be told exactly how to clean up after themselves, how to properly work the temperature gauge for the entire apartment (because it's quite clear that the three of you don't know how), how to lock the door when you leave the apartment and when you come back to the apartment, and then when you politely tell them through a series of thoughtful, handwritten notes taped to the designated areas, the entire process of educating these young, stunted minds becomes one of a 'dictatorship'.

What? I'm confused about this. A dictatorship? And we live in a democracy?

Let me be absolutely, crystal clear. I didn't force anyone to take out there eight day old trash piled at least four inches above the top of the garbage can that smelled like goat vomit that had been ruminating in a cow's stomach for four days. I didn't force anyone to lock the door for everyone's safety because there is nothing like coming home to someone stealing your stuff or worse. I didn't force anyone to not turn the temperature dial all the way to the right (freakin hot as hell). I simply suggested that you find another way to get warm. I recommended some easy to do, understandable options like put on pants if you're wearing shorts - put socks on - wear a sweatshirt - get a blanket. 

And now I have turned this place into adictatorship? The definition of dictatorship is"a country, government or the form of government in which absolute power is exercised by a dictator."

Maybe that's too hard to comprehend - I meanunderstand. 

A dictatorship is "a form of government inwhich the ruler is an absolute dictator (not restricted by a constitution orlaws or opposition etc.)" 

A dictator is "A ruler with total power over acountry, typically one who has obtained power by force (do not think a dictatoris Sacha Baron Cohen - I said don't think about it - now you're thinking aboutit)

See? I haven't done that at all. I've just used myfirst amendment right or is that not part of a democracy? 

If you were mature, independent and responsible, Iwould NOT have to post notes about your shortcomings. Grow up and clean up yourown shit!

Love from Hell, 

Ari


p.s. you just got told.

Fluffy Socks

Do you ever get cold and just wish you had a pair of fluffy socks? No, just me? Well, I wish I had a pair of fluffy socks right now...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

It's Wednesday...it's chump day!

Yesterday was horrible. Just horrible! It was gray outside, raining and humid. The first few minutes of the day were fine. But then, it took a turn for the worse at around 8:40 am, about fifty minutes from when I woke up. I decided to make coffee. I like coffee. I put two teaspoons of the freeze dried coffee into the cup, heated the water until boiling and that is where my problems began. The plastic was hot so I burned my fingertips. I then poured the hot water into the cup and again, I was burned from the splashes of boiling water droplets. I then took the spoon, mixed the coffee and water, left the spoon in the cup, turned around to get my mini -moos, picked of the spoon and of course it was hot and I burned my fingers again. I then put the lid on the coffee mug and took a sip. I should not have done that. I burned my lip.

Let's fast forward to around 1:00pm. I just got out of class and am now standing - wait, I need to go back. I just got out of class. I left the building through a side entrance and before me stands a massive puddle (and it's still raining). I'm not wearing rain boots. I repeat. I am not wearing rain boots. I see a ledge across the puddle, maybe a foot and a half away. I tried. I failed. I made it onto the ledge but inertia decided to bounce me right back in the opposite direction. I landed with both feet in the massive puddle. I sighed and tiptoed my way through the puddle to the concrete walkway. Yay, I made it. I continued on and reached the bus stop. I went underneath the covered 'shelter' at the stop. The sign said the blue bus would arrive in five minutes. Five minutes. Okay. While I was waiting, some real piece of work in a white Pontiac (I think) with a pizza delivery sign drives right along the curve at at least twenty five miles and hour and the water conveniently forms a wave that hits the concrete and hurls toward me. I take two steps back, stepping on another person waiting for the stop, missing the wall of water by one foot. Thanks a lot pizza delivery man.

I get on the second blue bus. I get off the blue bus and I attempt to close my umbrella which opened without my permission. It's not closing. Why is it not closing? I think there may be a piece of the fabric stuck towards the point where all the little evil spiky things reside. No nothing is stuck, but are you not closing?! I wrestle with the stupid umbrella until it bites back. It closed. While slicing my finger which is stuck where the sharp, pointy button thingy is. Is it bleeding? No, I don't think so. It's just a little red, but no, no. Still no blood. I take two steps and think, my, my finger really does hurt. I look at it. Bright red blood is trickling down the side of my finger. Blood is bursting through the cut, it's dripping onto the pavement. I can't get it to stop. It won't stop. I am now feeling faint...not really. But it really did bleed. And it freakin hurt (and still does more than 24 hours later)! And it didn't stop bleeding for a while. But that's not all that went wrong...

I finally make it back and by now, I'm a bit hungry. I decided on a frozen all ready been prepared entree, 'glazed chicken.' From the picture it looks, eh, somewhat appetizing. I opened the box, stuck the frozen tray in the microwave and waited for exactly five minutes and thirty seconds. Beep! Beep! Beep! My frozen entree is now unfrozen and from the looks of it, very hot. So I carefully choose to touch the tray at the corners. The tray is hovering about a millimeter above the microwave base when a puff of ridiculously hot steam erupts from the exact edge that I happen to be holding with the tips of my fingers. I drop the tray, try to reassure my fingers that they will be okay, say a few choice words to myself and then, again, I pick of the damn tray. I am now burned and it hurts. It REALLY HURTS. I take this 'food' back to my room after acquiring a lovely paper plate to carry the infamous tray. And I begin to eat. The 'chicken' is interesting. It's bouncy. And sometimes crunchy(?). The 'glaze' is more like brown, sticky, unappetizing goo. The rice, well, it's, it's...it's crunchy on the left and not crunchy on the right. The few slivers of green beans look as though they have been petrified and just walked out of hell. Apparently, there were peanuts. I thought I saw a piece of one. I ate. I wish I hadn't.

I almost forgot that I also took my trash out. You may say, you took your trash out and you're telling me that you had a horrifying experience? Yes. Yes I am. I had my keys on a crappy lanyard that the school gave me - thanks school for the crappy lanyard. I went to the trash room. Opened the latch and through the garbage down the hatch (heh :) rhyme ). I walked back to my room and, I can't figure out to  spell a throat sound of pure horror, when I realized I had one key but I was supposed to have two! I retraced my steps, nothing. I began to sweat within 15 seconds of losing my key. I looked everywhere. Did I lose it in the classroom? No, you had just unlocked the door. Oh yeah. Did it go down the trash shoot? Huhhh!!!?? I didn't hear clinking... It has to be here...and I found it. It was hiding under the corner of the rug.

I decided I wasn't going anywhere else today. I didn't until 8:12pm. Right when I was fifty four minutes into The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (awesome movie, highly recommend, it reminds me of something, maybe how I think? could be...) there was a fire drill. I wore flip flops. I like flip flops, I've never said anything bad about flip flops. Anyway, They (the evil ones) made me go on the grass, which was wet and muddy. 'We know it's wet and we're very sorry' says some asian guy. Whatever. I took one step and my foot squished and sank into the grass. It reminded me of a school field trip to a marsh. If you are ever near a marsh, RUN AWAY. If you think you want to go to a marsh, YOU DON'T. Anywho, my foot was filthy. I made my way to the wet concrete and wiped my foot off. I couldn't decide if having my foot covered with grass and mud was worse than taking a chance and getting little worms squirming up and into the bottom of my feet. I gambled with the worms. And as soon as I got back, I rinsed them off in the tub. But instead, the water came through the shower head...and then the bottom faucet. I then slathered my feet in antibacterial gel :) . And went to bed. Because I couldn't take anymore.

I didn't get to write a post last week. But, I figure you were all dying to know what kind of bad stuff happened. I did burn my finger, but more importantly, I fell off a bus. I don't know how. I just know it happened. I think I may have fallen asleep for a millisecond of time as I was attempting to exit the bus. I can distinctly remember the concrete curb. At one point it was right in front of me - then towards the upper left of my sight - then to the right of my sight and then right in my face. I scraped up my knee, but suffered no major physical injuries. The emotional injures can go away for a small, small donation of $5 to whatever amount of money you would like to donate to my 'rainy days' fund (notice the s on the end of days...)

I hope you all take the time to appreciate this post because it took away valuable study time... Be grateful people. Be grateful.

Friday, August 24, 2012

It's Friday!

Here is a happy post for all of you happy people: it's Friday...yay!






No, really, YAY! And here is a happy face for ya too.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Josh Groban Music Beloved By College Students

Who knew Josh Groban was super popular? I didn't until I heard one of Groban's songs blaring through the wall. I don't particularly care for Groban tunes, but still, you know it's too loud when I can Shazam it in my room...


textbook has zero personality

It's funny that the textbook for a Personality theory class happens to have absolutely no personality. It's as dry as a cracker.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

My first spout...awww...how adorable...hissssss

It's 6:56 pm. I am mildly pissed, agitated and somewhat depressed. This isn't my normal self, well, almost. I am listening to the incessant hum and drip of my Haier mini fridge. It's now 6:58 pm. It's now 7:00 pm. You may be asking yourself, "what is wrong with this girl?" I'll tell you. It's the English. It's all their fault. I am sitting in my rectangular dorm room, furnished by Walmart and Kohl's - but mostly by Walmart - with a teal, magenta, mustard yellow and gray color scheme. It does look lovely, courtesy of Mommy and Daddy, but still.  I have no dog, no Chihuahua nor Pekingese, nor my menacing cat that bites. At least I can watch Fox News Channel on my phone and Fox News Live Online...And for all of you who say FNC is a bunch of nonsense, I'll tell you that Fox News is "fair and balanced" and if you disagree, well then you're just plain biased and ignorant*.

*It's my blog so I can write whatever the hell I want and you can't stop me. Until the first amendment is repealed, I can voice my voice...so there!

So back to the English. It's all their fault that I, and thousands of others are at colleges and universities - ripped away from their families! I knew when I was six years old, SIX years old people!, that I didn't want to ever leave home. Right about now I expect some of you are thinking, "going away to college is a 'good' thing, it promotes personal growth." Well, what if I am already grown and I just happen to know that I didn't want to leave home. To society, children above eighteen living at home is like a disease- maybe like Bullous Pemphigoid, but I am certainly not a blister. In other countries, it's perfectly acceptable and 'normal' (American word of choice). I am sooooooo tired of people saying "It's normal to go away to school, is that behavior normal?, that's not normal to not want to leave home... And growth is another crap word too, "she''ll grow, you'll grow, you'll both grow..." You know what happens to things that grow? They eventually reach maturity and then die! So I guess, in effect, I'm like a droopy, discolored, depressing looking plant about to keel over the side of the terra-cotta pot. Why can't people let other people die slowly, happily and in peace? Why?

The English were the first to travel around the world and 'civilize' the poor, uncivilized people. The English do-gooders, with their "white man's burden" and frilly clothing forced their religion onto native persons, purged them of their culture, brought death and disease, and ugly ass wigs covered in dust. And that is what our society is based on, a bunch of meanness, narcissism, filth and ego.

Because of the English I am suffering. Suffering, yes, suffering from societal norms. I loathe these societal norms and this "peer pressure" from other human beings. Who gave humans this kind of power? Why, it must have been god because that is where the English and all the other ruling civilizations got their "mandate" to force their ideals onto innocent, happy people.  It's all about fear. Fear - fear is power. Religion was created to instill fear within mass populations for one reason, to gain power.

Do you see my point? If you do, great, kudos to you.

If you don't, it's most likely because you are brainwashed. Your mind is saturated - polluted with these exact societal norms I speak of. Maybe you aren't a free thinker, maybe you'll never understand. The best thing you can do is to repent your sins by no longer casting these hellish ideas and pressures onto others because who are you to tell others that you know best? You and I are animals. Highly functioning animals that can be cruel, terrible and ghastly. We are mere creatures that roam the earth for a finite amount of time. So be kind and make no generalizations upon others because each individual knows what is best for themselves. I do not need nor desire anyone's advice or 'words of encouragement' (i.e. "you'll be fine"... [my ass])  from anyone unless asked. I just want my furry people, my blanket and pillow, and my home where the people who care most about me reside.