I've tried Okcupid. I've tried Jdate. I've tried PlentyOfFish. And I've had a horrible, and occasionally terrifying, experience with online dating. I signed up with Okcupid (Okc) in February of 2013 one night when I was bored and couldn't fall asleep. It was fun and flattering at the beginning to receive messages from guys within thirty seconds of creating a profile. With just my photo alone I had guys proposing...haha. The first guy I met was in his mid twenties and his tag line was that he was a 'British Jew.' He was born and raised in Georgia, and had a pretty thick southern accent (ick). I hadn't realized I just met the first category of man I'd be meeting over and over: the (not too bright) liar. A few weeks later I met a guy I'd end up falling for. Again, I met the second category of common man: this is difficult for me to say...the (intelligent) mentally unstable. I should have known I was getting myself into trouble when I thought my deceased grandfather, a psychiatrist, would have found him to be fascinating and intelligent.
Along the way, I met an engineer that wrote code and had a hair cut resembling a phallic object (you know what I'm saying), an insecure UGA grad, a pilot (that I set up with my best friend and she liked him, I knew she would), a Feeder with a fat fetish, a lawyer with a really annoying laugh, a Falafel restaurant and food truck owner, a Vanderbilt civil engineer that looked like a skinny ass chicken, an accountant that said guys don't get raped in Panama (I told him to watch Deliverance before his bro-trip), an incredibly shy in person/assertive online film guy, a dog food salesman that wouldn't call me to ask me out, and I'm forgetting the countless others. The one with the penis hair was most definitely the creepiest. He was polite enough to ask me if I'd like a ride home, but I felt it would be safer to walk myself home, in midtown, in the dark, than to get in the car with him. The award for rudest guy is split between the Falafel guy and the civil engineer. Falafel guy looked me up and down, sighed, and when the cashier asked if our Starbucks order was together, he responded with, "sort of, but not really." Civil engineer got to Starbucks early and offered to stand in line with me while I bought my drink. Civil engineer asked me out, for the record, and he was really quite skinny. I ended up going out with a talented musician for six weeks after we met a second first time. He fell asleep on the 'first date' (I don't call vodka and coke zero a date), had a habit of snorting a certain substance because, as his mother said, working over 120 hours a week isn't enough, and he was always exhausted. I ended it after continually being asked "when will you love me??" (I never intended to...) and being told he had already chosen a replacement even before he met me. Nice guys, nice guys...
Despite the bad coffee dates, many of the messages I received were quite entertaining. I took the opportunity to respond to these guys truthfully, which means I called them out on their shit. Most recently, I was named a Facebook stalker. (1) The guy messaged me his Facebook link. (2) His Okc profile stated he was single and looking for friends, dating, and sex. (3) His Facebook says he's in a relationship. (4) He's a poor bullshitter aka liar when confronted, and blocked me when I called him out! I was also accused of looking pretentious by one guy because I use "big words," to which I replied "one cannot 'look' pretentious. You either are or you're not." Let's just say he regressed and his next two messages were infantile. Clearly he doesn't handle blatant rejection well. Another guy messaged me and I found out he was expelled from high school for grand larceny at 15. When I responded with "that's a felony," he followed up with "yes but I was 15 so I'm not a felon. Do you smoke [pot]?"
From these websites I've met guys that use substances for reasons they shouldn't, have a history of criminal activity, lie conspicuously, aren't intelligent, and most often, they tell me my expectations are too high. I've given it a lot of thought and you're probably thinking, well you're the common denominator. You're correct, but it took quite a bit of time to uncover the truth in certain instances. I guess I was too nice in a way (which if you know me sounds like the punch line of a joke). I did give certain guys second, even third, chances. I learned I'm pretty damn good at expressing myself (who knew?), I can love, I am accepting and nonjudgmental, I'm interesting, I'm intelligent, and of course my high expectations are causes of great disappointment (a different civil engineer said I was disappointing after refusing to send selfies).
Things I say to guys:
-Don't tell me something I like (TV show, movie, music, etc.) is stupid in your initial message. It's rude and putting someone down isn't a way to get someone to like you.
-If you preface your statement with "my my," I take it my expectations are too high for you.
-If you don't know what a word I use means, LOOK IT UP.
-Never ask me if you can ask me a question (I delete your avatar and message from my inbox).
-Never discuss anything sexual, it's creepy, crude, and immature.
-Be a man and plan a date. This is where feminism has destroyed the definition of masculinity. I've come to the conclusion I'm more masculine (confrontational/courageous) than some of these men.
At first glance, it seems I've wasted time dealing with, messaging, meeting, and talking with all these guys. It's not. It is exhausting, but like I know what type of job I don't want, I know exactly what type of guy I don't want in my life.
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