Time Travel

I So far, this year has been like, whoa. I'm coming up to my one year mark at work; over three months have passed since Tia has passed; it's been almost three months since I started meditating; almost two years since I was in Europe; it's been a long time since I worked on either novel/story I started over years ago (I did write a few poems); and I could continue with a bunch of miscellaneous items that are superfluous. 

The one thing holding these items I listed together is time. Time is fleeting, it's effervescent, and that's how it feels to me. The twelve years I had with Tia feel like nothing; no amount of time would feel enough. In fact, no relationship or friendship I've had has felt long enough. Well, there was that one...

If given the choice, I'd choose to be able to travel backwards. My family is there; my dogs and cats are there, and the past is how I choose to remember people. The most difficult part of life is watching family and friends get older or die. I've been grappling with Tia's death on a daily basis. I begin my meditations with a mantra of sorts, and she is in it. She is my wallpaper on my phone, iPad, and laptop. For goodness sake, she's printed on a blanket. Tia is everywhere, except physically beside me. The ache I feel daily has gotten to me the past few days. It's funny to think how I felt like I was dying when a boy rejected me, and now, I feel a part of me actually died and the one thing that comforts me is that when I die, I hope she is there waiting for me, as with everyone else I've loved. Tia's death was has been the most poignant moment of my life thus far, and at the same time is was the quickest moment I've ever experienced.