Just a thought

I posted this on Facebook and I've come to a realization..."These last two days have been full of  so many endings and I've made so many strange connections between everything that I've just felt so much and I've felt very alone, but we're all really alone. 

I've been watching FMA the last few weeks and finished all 51 episodes yesterday, 7/15 (15, 51 are reflections of one another). I've also been writing in my notebook and filled it halfway today. I've been dreaming about people and storylines that are figuratively and literally cut in half. A man who broke his soul in half to create a superhero, a dream about a golden retriever drowning in a flood and the dream stops in the middle, I've been recalling a bunch of dreams in which I am remembering what happens in the middle and what happens in one ties into another. My internship is also over today, I just got back the article I wrote and it's done. 

I've also been thinking about why we meet certain people, why do we know who we do? I can't help but ask, Why did I meet this person at this time? What's the point? Is it all random? It doesn't seem random. I feel like there's a purpose to all of this but I'm just so confused. I feel like everything is in the middle, the middle of what I can't tell you, but it just feels like something I can't describe." 

I have no friends because I'm a horrible friend. No one ever calls me, I don't ever call anyone. My only real friend has been my dog, and she can't speak English. I don't trust anyone because I think they'll just disappear on me, so why build anything with anyone. I feel like a shitty person. I'm not a good friend for anyone. I don't even know what to say when someone really needs a friend. I'm not sure if I've ever been a friend to anyone. What a waste of a person. 

I also find it extremely difficult to call people. I call and I'm at a complete loss for words, I know what I should say or what I'm supposed to say, but I find it hard to say it.